Wednesday, May 4, 2022

No Dynamo at Buzzard Point: Tales from Buzzard Point No. 26

Old Power Plant at Buzzard Point, Washington, DC
(Image: Wikipedia Commons)

By David Rusk

May 4, 2022

Preface: This is the twenty-seventh in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: Recently I came across this article in The Evening Star. The article is about a recent controversy over whether or not there is a dynamo at the shuttered Buzzard Point power plant.

Pepco Confirms No Dynamo Exists at Old Buzzard Point Power Plant

by Erwin Schrödinger III
The Evening Star
May 4,2022

A PEPCO spokesperson has confirmed that there is no dynamo housed at the officially abandoned Buzzard Point Plant.

However, again the spokesperson had no comment about the revelation by this reporter that the supposedly-abandoned plant was actually the southern terminus of a mysterious anti-Galaxy machine (Tale No 9: “Secret Anti-Galaxy Machine Revealed at Buzzard Point”, The Evening Star, November 31, 2016).

According to The Evening Star’s investigation, the Buzzard Point Plant now contains giant storage batteries that are connected to the supposed power line “easement” running under the east stands of DC United’s soccer stadium and terminating in PEPCO’s new facility opposite the stadium on Potomac Avenue SW.

That facility also contains giant storage batteries. Oscillating between the two termini, the device emits a powerful force field to repel any effort by a hostile Galaxy to invade Buzzard Point every other year.

Further reporting by this reporter also revealed that the anti-Galaxy machine also serves as an Earthquakes suppressant (Tale No. 20: “Anti-Galaxy Machine at Buzzard Point Also Serves as Earthquakes Deterrent, May 31, 2019).

The electric company official would only reiterate that “There is no home for a Dynamo at Buzzard Point”.

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Austin Cars Banned at Upcoming Buzzard Point Soccer Match: Tale No. 25

Austin Sports Car
(Image: Autoexpress Company, UK)

By David Rusk

April 14, 2022

Preface: This is the twenty-sixth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: Recently I came across this article in The Evening Star. The article is about the recent action of the DC City Council to ban Austin Cars from the proximity of Buzzard Point during a soccer match featuring DC United and Austin FC.

Parking at Buzzard Point for Austin Automobiles is Restricted during Game Day

by Penelope Featherton
The Evening Star
February 24, 2022

DMV drivers are long familiar with downtown street closures because of major demonstrations, rallies, parades, and other large-scale public events.

However, Saturday night brings a unique kind of street closure. Streets in Buzzard Point will be closed to only one type of motorist – those driving or seeking to park British-made Austin automobiles.

The event is DC United’s match against visiting Austin FC and the British-made cars are banned as a special provision of the local soccer club’s naming rights agreement with Audi USA for its soccer stadium at Buzzard Point.

That agreement specified that no rival autos bearing a soccer rivals’ name can drive or park within Buzzard Point on match days. This agreement is approved by the DC Council. The banned cars are the Austin Seven and the Austin Healey 3000.

From 12:00 noon to 12:00 midnight Austin automobiles will not be permitted on:

P Street SW;

2nd Street SW from P Street to historic Buzzard Point;

The west side of South Capitol Bridge from P Street to the Frederick Douglass Bridge; and

Buzzard Point’s internal streets (Potomac Avenue SW, Half Street SW, 1st Street SW, 2nd Street SW, and Q, R S, T and V Streets SW (see map).
Map of Buzzard Point, 2022
(Image: Riverpoint Development Brochure, 2022)

Per DC Code Sect. 2217.2, fines of $500.00 will be levied for each Austin entering and/or parking on a “barricaded or closed street”. In addition, anyone entering the banned area with a green Austin will be guilty of the misdemeanor of disorderly conduct per DC Code Sec. 22-1321(b). They will be subject to a fine of up to $500.00, up to 90 days in jail, or both.

Bringing a green Austin is clearly such a provocative act akin to “loud, threatening, or abusive language, or disruptive conduct, with the intent and effect of impeding or disrupting the orderly conduct of a lawful public gathering.” DC United matches clearly are a lawful public gathering.

Austins Sevens (1922-1939) and Austin Healeys (1959-1968) have not been manufactured for decades. They are now considered “vintage cars” that are worth depending on their condition between $27,000 and $81,000.

The DC government has announced that all fines will be donated to the local non-profit organization DC Scores. DC Scores is an afterschool program that uses participation in soccer as an incentive for DC children to achieve success in their education.

DC United also assures that all Austin fans who who do not drive Austin vehicles to the soccer match will be welcome at Audi Field at Buzzard Point.

Tuesday, February 22, 2022

Defend the Declaration from FC Charlotte: Tale No. 24

Painting of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence by John trumbull
(Image: Archetect of the Capital; Photo modified by Doug barnes

By David Rusk

February 22, 2022

Preface: This is the Twenty-fifth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: Black and Red United Commentator Brendanukkah brought to my attention a recent editorial in The Evening Star. The editorial concerns a rumored plot to storm the National Archives. Although the rumors are worrisome, it seems that DC United fandom has the situation well in hand.

Editorial Opinion

The Evening Star
February 24, 2022

In these times when our very democracy is under assault, protecting our country’s foundational documents becomes even more vital. None is more important than the Declaration of Independence whose immortal “self-evident words” best define the underlying ideals and values of our nation towards which we must always strive.

The original Declaration of Independence is on public view at the National Archives on 8th and Pennsylvania, NW, supposedly encased in a climate-controlled, impregnable display case.

The Original US Constitution at the National Archives
(Image: US Archives and Modified by Doug barnes

However, such security has already proven very “pregnable.” As shown in filmmaker Jerry Bruckheimer’s 2004 documentary “National Treasure”, raiders from Charlotte successfully stole the Declaration. Now, intelligence reports indicate that raiders from Charlotte are again descending on DC this Saturday, February 26. We should not rely on the National Archives’ security arrangements again.

Stepping into the security breach are the Screaming Eagles, a DC United supporter group of dedicated fans. Rhett Butler, Screaming Eagles president, proposes that the Declaration be entrusted to them and held in the Chico Stand on the north end of Audi Field at Buzzard Point amid thousands of fervent fans.

The Screaming Eagles Chico Stand in Full Throat
(Image: Donal Wine, II)

Butler assured the National Archivist that:

The Declaration would be transported by a thousands-fold March to the Match from the National Archives to Buzzard Point and returned afterwords via a victory march. The only special protection necessary for the Declaration would be to encase it in a beer-resistant container.

Nobody from Charlotte will ever steal anything from Buzzard Point. They won't be able to steal a point from the home team DC United. With the protection of thousands of Screaming Eagles, the Declaration of Independence will be safe at Buzzard Point”.

The Evening Star urges the National Archivist to accept the Screaming Eagles’ iron-clad pledge to protect the Declaration of Independence at Buzzard Point.

*****

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

DC United Signs New Defender for Nashville SC Invasion: Tale No. 23

By David Rusk

Revised December 12, 2021
First Published in Black and Red United, August September 25, 2021

Preface: This is the twenty-fourth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Press Release

Civil War General George Thomas Portrait

D.C. United Acquire Defender George H. Thomas

D.C United has announced the acquisition of famed defender George H. Thomas. Thomas, who has been long retired, has been reactivated for the Nashville match this Saturday.

Saturday, September 25, 2021

The Society of the Cincinnati Not Welcome at Buzzard Point: Tale No. 22

Badge on plain background
Badge of the Society of the Cincinnati, c. 1783
(Image: Cincinnati Art Museum. Photo by Daderot via Wikipedia Commons-)

Preface: This is the twenty-third in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: The history of Buzzard Point is full of surprises. A long-time patriotic organization called The Society of the Cincinnati was banned from Buzzard Point because it was considered a type of military organization. I did the original research on this myself and report it here.

*****

By David Rusk

Tales from Buzzard Point
Revised December 12, 2021
First Published in Black and Red United, August September 25, 2021

In researching the history of Fort McNair, Buzzard Point’s next-door neighbor, I found the congressional legislation from the Sixth Congress — enacted May 7, 1800 — that established Fort McNair's predecessor which was called the Washington Arsenal. Congress was worried that militia groups might be a destabilizing influence in the new nation. Congress passed an act to counter the influence of such groups in the newly established US capital

Act Bars Military Clubs from Buzzard Point

The Congressional Act contained the following remarkable quote!

Chap. XCVI. An Act for the Regulation of Public Arsenals and Magazines.

Sec. 5. And be it further enacted, That to insure domestic tranquility, no rifle club, shooting range, militia armory, nor meeting hall for any military association, including the Society of the Cincinnati, shall ever be located within one mile of the Washington Arsenal.

Pierre L’Enfant’s plan for the federal district had designated 28 acres of Buzzard Point for military fortifications defending the capital city, and earthworks for one cannon were thrown up in 1791, and the arsenal first occupied the site in 1801.

The modern-day Armory, of course, is on the RFK Stadium campus, three miles away from Buzzard Point, as explained by this very law.

Friday, June 18, 2021

David Beckham's MLS Adulation Fades for Orlando SC: Tale No. 21

Soccer players in front of crowd
MLS Debut of David Beckham against DC United at RFK, August 9, 2007
(Image: Denvers Post via Associated Press)

By David Rusk


Revised December 9, 2021
First Published by Black and Red United, June 18, 2021

Preface: This is the twentieth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: This article conveys the hype and hysteria that greeted David Beckham's arrival in the United States to play soccer for the LA Galaxy. He was injured at the beginning of his tenure in MLS and there was great speculation about when he would play in his first game.

The speculation turned to reality on August 9, 2007 when he donned his LA Galaxy uniform and trotted onto the field of RFK Stadium in Washington, DC in the second half. DC United would be the first opponent of the English idol in a tenure that would include MLS championships. However, on this night before a sold-out RFK stadium and about a hundred press photographers, his first game in MLS would result in a 1-0 loss to DC United.

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Anti-Galaxy Machine Doubles as San Jose Earthquake Deterrent: Tale No. 20

Logo of the San Jose Earthquakes
(Image: Ticketmaster via Wikipedia Commons)

By David Rusk


Revised December 8, 2021
First Written, June 1, 2019

Preface: This is the twentieth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Buzzard Point Anti-Galaxy Machine Staves Off Earthquakes

The Evening Star
Special Report by Erwin Schrödinger III
May 1, 2019

Researchers affiliated with the National Earthquake Information Center (NEIC), located in Golden, Colorado, have determined that the long-secret anti-Galaxy machine under Buzzard Point also serves as an Earthquakes deterrent, according to reliable sources.

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

FTC Rules against Kansas City FC for Deception: Tale No. 19

Children's Mercy Park and Kansas Speedway, Kansas City, Kansas
(Image: ElisFKC and West Village via Wikipedia Commons and Flickr)

By David Rusk

Revised December 8, 2021
First Published by Black and Red United, May 1, 2019

Preface: This is the nineteenth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: With Sporting Kansas City making its inaugural visit to Buzzard Point on Sunday, May 12, all DC United fans should be aware of the following story in The Evening Star which explains the strange (but increasingly common) events to be expected in the forthcoming match.

FTC Penalizes Sporting Kansas City for Deceptive Packaging

The Evening Star
May 1, 2019

By a 3-2 margin, the Federal Trade Commission ruled today against Sporting Kansas City, a professional soccer club in Major League Soccer. The decision if the FTC panel indicated that the club is practicing a “deceptive act” and is violating the Fair Packaging and Labeling Act (15 U.S.C. ch. 39).

Monday, April 1, 2019

A Call to Defend the DC United Fan Walk: Tale No. 18

DC United Stadium at Buzzard Point, 2019
(Image: Doug Barnes, 2019)

By David Rusk

Revised December 8, 2021
First Published by Black and Red United, April 1, 2019

Preface: This is the eighteenth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: With the inaugural visit to Buzzard Point of the Los Angles Football Club (LAFC) upcoming on Saturday, I found this story in The Evening Star ominous and wish to make sure that DC United fans are alerted to take appropriate countermeasures.

Los Angeles FC Hooligans Plan Assault on DC United Fan Walk

The Evening Star
April 1, 2019

(Los Angeles, April 1, 2019) Supporters of Los Angeles Football Club (LAFC) are scheming to leave some kind of permanent imprint on the commemorative Fan walk outside D.C. United’s legendary Buzzard Point stadium. This will take place during their maiden visit of LAFC to the District on April 6, 2019.

Undercover intelligence agents have told The Evening Star, “We do know that the LAFC plan hinges on a win by the visitors from California.”

The fan walk outside Buzzard Point contains hundreds of testimonial marble bricks from devoted D.C. United fans. These bricks were embedded in the brick walk near the main ticket entrance and were a part of DC United's stadium inaguration celebration.

DC United Stadium Fan Walk at Buzzard Point, 2019
Image: David Rusk, 2019

The LAFC supporter's idea might have come from the area outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood. The concrete sidewalk in front of the theater is world famous for the embedded handprints, footprints, messages and signatures of Hollywood stars.

Our confidential source indicated that, “We suspect that LAFC soccer vandals could try to deface the Buzzard Point fan walk as an homage to one of their soccer players." They weren't specific but maybe the footprints of an internationally recognized LAFC soccer player such as Carlos Vela will be used to deface the DC United Fanwalk.

After being advised of the intelligence reports, D.C. United issued the following statement.

We aren't concerned about the rumors of LAFC supporters trying to deface our fan walk. We shall not add any extra security around Buzzard Point. Such vandalism would only be triggered by an improbable LAFC victory. We have total confidence in our superb team. They will deny the invaders from Los Angeles any reason to celebrate at Buzzard Point.
*****

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Graffiti Reported on Bridge Ahead of Real Salt Lake Game: Tale No. 17

Dusk View of Mormon Temple in Kensington, Md., 2011
(Image: Joe Ravi via Wikipedia Commons)

By David Rusk

Revised December 7, 2021
First written, October 30, 2018

Preface: This is the seventeenth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: For many years I have been a faithful reader of The Evening Star, which, as all DC United fans know, has been the news source for many Tales from Buzzard Point. In the lead-up to DC United’s match against visiting Real Salt Lake this Saturday, the following brief news story caught my eye.

Mysterious Messages Appear Near Mormon Temple

The Evening Star
October 29, 2018

Beltway drivers going west have long been delighted by the rising white spires of the Mormon Temple just beyond the Georgia Avenue exit. Veteran commuters have chuckled at the memory of the message painted on the railway bridge framing the view of its fairy tale architecture: “Surrender Dorothy,” invoking L. Frank Baum’s classic The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Despite the best efforts of the Maryland Department of Transportation to paint over the message, it has mysteriously reappeared again.