Monday, April 1, 2019

A Call to Defend the DC United Fan Walk: Tale No. 18

DC United Stadium at Buzzard Point, 2019
(Image: Doug Barnes, 2019)

By David Rusk

Revised December 8, 2021
First Published by Black and Red United, April 1, 2019

Preface: This is the seventeenth in a series of Tales from Buzzard Point that explores the rich traditions and myths surrounding the legendary DC United soccer team and its fabled history at Buzzard Point. The Tales from Buzzard Point are historical fiction and parody.

Editor's Note: With the inaugural visit to Buzzard Point of the Los Angles Football Club upcoming on Saturday, I found this story in The Evening Star ominous and wish to make sure that DC United fans are alerted to take appropriate countermeasures.

Los Angeles FC Hooligans Plan Assault on DC United Fan Walk

The Evening Star
April 1, 2019

LOS ANGELES, APRIL 1, 2019—Supporters of Los Angeles Football Club are scheming to leave their permanent imprint on the commemorative Fan walk outside D.C. United’s legendary Buzzard Point stadium in the wake of their maiden visit to the District on April 6, undercover intelligence agents tell The Evening Star.

“We do know that their plan hinges on a win by the visitors from California.”

The fan walk outside Buzzard Point contains hundreds of testimonial marble bricks from devoted D.C. United fans.

DC United Stadium Fan Walk at Buzzard Point, 2019
Image: David Rusk, 2019

“The area outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater is well known for the concrete sidewalk slabs in which are imprinted handprints, footprints, messages and signatures from decades of stars,” the source continued. “We suspect that soccer vandals could try an homage of sorts to deface the Buzzard Point fan walk. Maybe the footprints of Carlos Vela or whomever.”

After being advised of the intelligence reports, D.C. United issued the following statement.

We are unconcerned about the rumors of LAFC supporters trying to deface our fan walk. We shall, for example, not being adding any extra security around Buzzard Point. Such vandalism would be triggered only by an LAFC victory, and we have total confidence that our superb team, and the Curse of Buzzard Point, will deny the invaders from Los Angeles any result whatsoever on April 6 and forever after.

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